|
|
The Man
Name: Mohamed Hafiz. A.k.a Fizzy Age: As you get older, you realise age doesn't matter. 23 if u still want to know.
Groooove
Speak to me =)
Read them
Haikal Iz Syaq Black Effy Anne Ameer Fana Yazid Azlin Helmi MADDY! Desiree Yilei Timon Shira |
| spacer! |
| Big Guns! | |
|
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Ok. I am sooo totally freaked right now. Freaked AND inspired. Why? I had a dream this morning. And every single details that happened on that dream is still in my head. So i'm gonna put my writing cap on and start straining my brain juice to start mixing that...erm...juice... In the dream, I was walking around this field. The field had the most beautiful grass that you could only see in the movies and it was bright and sunny. There were flowers everywhere and it's all the same white lilies everywhere i looked. I started to stop walking and started to take in the view when suddenly a girl came right up next to me. This part baffled me the most, i didn't look at her. Not even once in the dream. I mean, i knew she was there but i just didn't look. Her accent was so familiar. I have heard of it somewhere before but i just couldn't figure out where. Girl: You look tired. A long time hasn't it. Almost coming to 20 years Me: Huh? I do? I guess 20 years took it's toll on me. No wonder ppl call me atok and pak cik. Girl: Yeah. (Started laughing like crazy) Me: Wanna sit? It's a nice view. Girl: Sure. Hafiz, you're upset aren't you? Me: Why would I be? It's not like anything sad happened to me recently Girl: Why do you keep lying to yourself? You're hurt. Show it. Me: Nah. I'm not that kind of person. Besides, I don't want people to worry about me. I'd rather be laughing and smiling. Girl: You are not helping yourself. How long more can your sadness be bottled up before you start losing your mind? Me: I dun think that'll happen. Do you know what makes me live for another day? Do you know why I keep it all inside? Girl: I do. But i wanna hear it from you. Me: Smile lines. Laughter. That's what motivates me. People around me has been doing that for me. In return, i wanna do the same for them. Girl: Hmmm. that's soooo like you. That's why you're so nice. Me: Me nice? I guess. Girl: Beautiful weather isn't it? It hasn't been this way for a while. Me: Hmm? Why? Girl: It's been raining. Shows just how you feel. It's Wani isn't it? You still love her? Me: Wani? I dunno. Girl: What are you so afraid of? What's stopping you from giving her another chance? Me: I'm scared.....That whatever it is that i do won't be right. So many things i have done wrong. Although things have turned out right,now. I still can't stop feeling guilty. Girl: That's why you have never liked deciding stuffs don't you. Haha. Haikal always gets you in that situation where you must choose. Me: Yeah. That bastard. Haha. Girl: What do you plan to achieve in this life? Me: I dunno. I'd rather just live for the moment Girl: Would you believe me when i say that you'll be a great man someday? Me: Great man? I have done nothing so far in my life that can considered to be greatness. Girl: But you already did. Me: like? Girl: Look around you. How many people's spirits have you lifted up. You dunno it but you have changed a lot of people's life Hafiz. Me: I still dun buy it. Girl: How many people's sad hearts have you healed Hafiz? How many people's problems have you solved against the odds? How many frowns have you turned into laughter? Your kind words have stopped a lot of tears. You don't know this. But your presence gives a lot of confidence to others. Me: But.....Why? Girl: Because it's who you are. It's a gift of what you are born with. Me: It's not who i am. Girl: You don't even know yourself. Everytime you look at the mirror, you keep looking at yourself with hatred. You couldn't be bothered with what the brighter side of you have to offer. You just keep telling yourself of your past. Me: Because that's who i am. I made mistakes i'm not proud of. Girl: That's because you keep reminding yourself of the lies you told, the lifes you destroyed, the names you've dirtied, the shame you caused to your parents and many more. You think you're a denial type of person but the only things that you've denied is the good that you've done and have suckered up all the bad that you did. How many more nights will you cry out of guilt for Adel, the friends that you betray, your parents,Wani and everytime you do cry for them, you return to the seat where you are so comfortably in. The seat where you think you are stupid and just keep cursing yourself. Me: I have nothing to say. It's not as if i didn't try to get out of it. Girl: Hafiz, listen to me for what i'm about to say is real and where many people will agree on it. You are a caring person. Someone whom everyone can rely on and you have changed a lot of other people's lifes and will continue to do so. You will keep on making other people smile and you will grow up to be a great person. You are a nice person Hafiz. This field and the flowers, they all reflect what's you. You're nicer than Ameer in many ways. You're as funny as Haikal. You're talented and gifted. Not in a very obvious way but in ways where a lot of other people will fail in. Me: Nicer than Ameer? Funnier than Haikal? How? Girl: Yes. You're nicer than Ameer. How many people have you forgiven? All those people that have done you wrong. You have never once held a grudge against anyone. You have never failed to forgive them and your friends knows it too. Haikal tried to change you and he failed. You have never failed to say sorry and would sacrifice a lot of things for others. You're funny in your own way that matches Haikal's because he and you inspires each other so much. You have always been quiet. That's why you don't think you're funny. Primary school was the only time where you made jokes and even so, not by much. You always had ideas but decided to stop yourself from telling jokes because you are just too lazy to tell it. Me: ..... Girl: And Hafiz. Your love life will get better. Me: I dun think so. Girl: There's someone who will take care of you real well. You will both need each other and will help realise each other's dreams. Me: Who? Girl: That is for you to find out. And Fiz, stop crying at night. It's better sunshined here. I woke up straight after she said that because of Haikal's message. The dream felt real. I could have sworn my nose was still filled with the smell of the flowers. All i know, i felt great the whole day today. And for once after a long time. I'm looking forward to night time alone. And sleep peacefully, hopefully at last. Oh and in case if some of u think i am crazy and hallucinating or wadeva it is. I am not. I swear that this really happened in my dream. I am not egoistic to start writing abt my own qualities or wadeva. IT REALLY HAPPENED. IS THIS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR??
Nihil Sine Nefas | |