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The Man
Name: Mohamed Hafiz. A.k.a Fizzy Age: As you get older, you realise age doesn't matter. 23 if u still want to know.
Groooove
Speak to me =)
Read them
Haikal Iz Syaq Black Effy Anne Ameer Fana Yazid Azlin Helmi MADDY! Desiree Yilei Timon Shira |
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Monday, June 15, 2009
But maybe, just maybe, in the next few days, i will show it all. My heart has been heavy since yesterday. I lost my strength. I lost my will and my senses. Food taste bitter, water taste like sand and sleep seems so distant. Tears keep falling and i know it will keep on falling for my other half. Hearing her in pain but i couldn't do anything to make her feel better. I try to imagine the pain she's going through, but I can't even get it right. All I have are words of encouragement but is it enough? I'm totally clueless. I feel so helpless. Hearing her cry, knowing she couldn't sleep because of her sickness she's going through. It's hurting me, and it's gonna affect me. Why couldn't it be me instead? Why not toy with my life instead of hers. The thought of how i met you suddenly came to my mind. You were badly discriminated when you broke up with your ex bf of two years. You searched for love and acceptance in other guys and one by one, they rejected you and toyed with your feelings. You couldn't see that the person that you were seeking was in me. The whole class hated you but instead of spite, i gave you my hand. I started to slowly get into your life. You didn't accept me. You were still blind in your search for you knight in shining armor. I was hurt by what you said. By the qualities in what you want in a guy and it was everything that i'm not. "I may not be the one who fits your qualification of a man, but i can promise you, that if you give me a chance, i will make your morning filled with doves, your day filled with sunshine, i'll be your umbrella when it rains and i will make your night meaningful. i can't promise that you won't be sad, but i can promise you that you will smile more than you can frown" Those were the words i said to you before that incident happened. The glass piece incident. I bled and bled but i didn't feel the pain. I didn't even wanna get it treated cos i couldn't see a reason why. But little did i know, that with each drop of blood i lost, the more you felt you needed me, the more you cared and the more you loved and appreciated. And thus, 24/09/05 was the date we started our bond. I helped you through your hard times andhelped you recover from your scars in life. Laughing and loving our own fairy tale. But now, i cry. Because your life is at stake and you're hurt. And i feel helpless. I hope you recover soon Wani. I love you This was something i unburied from my archives. Come to think of it, i've always almost always have been there for her when the situation needs me to be. I guess even that wasn't enough to please her. There's arguments that was stupid and i admit that it's my fault but i've tried my best to make it up for it. Not enough to please her. I've tried my hardest to make her smile and laugh and even that is not enough to please her. In the end, all she could see was my mistakes after mistakes after mistakes after mistakes. She couldn't see my regrets and remorse. All she could see was her pain and how much it is blinding her from me trying to work myself out and me trying to take us into another level. Instead of talking to me and giving me the chance i need to redeem myself like how all great couples do, she left me out in the cold and threw me out thinking she can find better. And while she goes out and keeps destroying herself and turning herself into a hypocrite, i was here bleeding and yearning for her. While she keeps getting hurt and needed a hand, i was there to cheer her up. And yet, even that is not enough to change her mind abt me. At the chance of a new guy, she leaves me out and i start being in the cold again. So here i am. Bleed, bled, bleed, bled, bleed, bled and i'm running out of pain to give for her and running out of tears of disgrace. Always falling short..Always having to settle for second. But it's ok. It was my mistake anyway. Yes...That same mistake of 3 years ago has been branded into my face and there is not a single sign that is making u erase those pains i gave u. So i ask you...The mistake that u made 1 year ago and how u turn yourself into one of them and how u kept on keeping me hanging. Did u think it'll just go away and that suddenly no one remembers it anymore? It is almost impossible to throw away that tag. No matter how u try to turn yourself into your old self, your mistakes will always catch up on you. This post is not to slate anyone. It's just to remind myself. That i was deeply in love. That my love wasn't enough for her. That i wasn't good enough for her. That my believes and my way of love story will always be my downfall.
Nihil Sine Nefas | |