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The Man
Name: Mohamed Hafiz. A.k.a Fizzy Age: As you get older, you realise age doesn't matter. 23 if u still want to know.
Groooove
Speak to me =)
Read them
Haikal Iz Syaq Black Effy Anne Ameer Fana Yazid Azlin Helmi MADDY! Desiree Yilei Timon Shira |
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Sunday, February 07, 2010
Second chances are hard to come by these days. People are more critical in the bad things that someone else does to them. Oh they will tell you that they forgive you. Oh and they will tell you that it's all behind them and that they don't care what happens in the past. Believe me, 9 out of 10 people who says this are bullshitting with you. Forgive? Maybe. Forget?? NEVER. I am writing this down from experience. Yes. I am openly going to admit something big here. A big dirt that i don't ever want to let lose. A dark secret. I am a big liar. WAS to be exact. I am ashamed of it and believe me, rebuilding trust is hard work. You have no idea how hard it is to have eyes filled with doubts looking at you, people not giving you their full trust. It hurts. But i am the one to be blamed. It is my own fault anyway and i deserved what is coming to me. I keep making stupid mistakes in my life. Some are irreparable. Some are truly unintentional. God knows how much i am regretting my past right now but it hasn't stopped myself from looking forward but it's hard when people just keep holding you for the bad that you've done. When things go wrong, they only remember my negatives. What about all the good i've done for you?? What about all that time i've been there?? Is it fair? How much more corrective work order should i do before you release me from the chains of my past mistakes? Will i ever be free from it? I'm not hard to read like some people make me out to be. Dive into my mind and you can see that i'm so simple, you'd be surprised at how uncomplicated i am. Please, don't think that i have a hidden agenda when i call you. Please don't think that i am only on the ride with you when i think i only have something in it for me. I'm not like that. All the things i do, i do it wholeheartedly and with no intentions to be returned as a favor. Sometimes, i feel like just giving up. Having ties with other people, be it family or friends, are hard. Maintaining it and keeping everyone happy is starting to really feel like a chore for me. Is it with age that i'm starting to feel more like this?? I am blessed with great friends and i can't ask for more. Actually, to think about it, i was blessed with all. Family, friends, a gf. And now with all that's left, with all the people who has left and who wants to leave, i am here picking up the pieces. All in all, i'm doing fine though. I'm happy with my progress. I'm my own biggest critic and trust me, i criticize myself a lot. Who knows, in time, you might even see the wiser and wider part of me. But until then... i'm living life on a day to day basis. =) Fizzy tipsy!!!!::: Give me love and not suicide and the wiser, wider part of me will show
Nihil Sine Nefas | |