|
|
The Man
Name: Mohamed Hafiz. A.k.a Fizzy Age: As you get older, you realise age doesn't matter. 23 if u still want to know.
Groooove
Speak to me =)
Read them
Haikal Iz Syaq Black Effy Anne Ameer Fana Yazid Azlin Helmi MADDY! Desiree Yilei Timon Shira |
| spacer! |
| Big Guns! | |
|
Monday, March 01, 2010
To A Special Friend Tension, when accumulated at a sensitive spot, usually leads to breakage. I'm not a saint but I know I'm not as bad as you when it comes to lying. I don't know why it hurts and why I even bother but it does get to me. I thought you were always going to be the one I could depend on. The one to be there for me all the time. Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve all these mind games? Can I please know? What I know is that I'm not perfect and sometimes I may be harsh but that's how I am and if you couldn't take it my advice then tell me. I thought we saw each other eye to eye. There has always been a deeper understanding between us than people know but somewhere over these past few years, your actions and communication became foreign and lost in translation. I think I'm also to blame for this because apparently I'm not suited to be sought-after for comfort and advice. I'm losing people in my life that I never thought I would. You know how it makes me feel? Like a loser, a sore, bad loser because I have always refused to admit defeat that I've lost, especially when losing a brother is so hard to take. I guess where I felt I stood high and mighty just came crashing underneath me and I am falling into an endless abyss called failure with only the thoughts on why it came to this and what it could and should have been. We've been through a lot and I have to admit you are a special guy minus the lies. So special it's a shame that you can't see it and continually shot yourself in the foot with the guns and bullets you voluntarily took from the aggressors who ruined your stability. Out in zero-degree waters, slowly sinking, vessels pass along and hurl ropes to pull you to safety but you can't seem to grasp it. Is it pride or is the rope too short? You have no idea how this insecurity has been eating at my head but I guess I can't assume I'm the victim. You definitely have your side of the story and whatever it is, I'll take it like a man. I guess I've misunderstood you and your needs. I don't need an apology because I should apologise. I've given up on waiting for you to change because you don't have to change. Buy the chair that you feel comfortable sitting on, listen to the honest salesman who tried to warn you of it's bad quality and rip-off pricing. I'm going to be the guy who will always believe what you say, even when it dominates my thoughts before I sleep because I know that believing could possibly hurt. I'm not out to write another 13-page essay like the one I handed out to Ms Jean Ng 7-8 years ago. That one was full of fantasy. I'm pouring out at least 5 years of feelings on this one. I may not have been the best that you claimed I was at that department in your life, so don't apologise for seemingly not living up to my expectations, because I most certainly didn't live up to yours. That is how we ended up like this. It's a damn shame and I am sorry. Ref: http://the-unquestionable-truth.blogspot.com Only a heartless and stupid fucker wouldn't tear from this. I admit that when I first saw your status in FB, i couldn't understand what i did to make you feel that way but yet again, you were right. I have fallen complacent. I'm so caught up in my self pity that i've fallen blind to the people all around me. Especially you. How could i neglect someone who has been there for as long as i can remember? No matter how much wrong i've done, you've always stood by me. I guess even best friends get into big arguments huh. It's no doubt and i think you know about it as well, how much i feel like i've been a liability to you. You know i've always appreciated your advise. I've always been a big fan of your wisdom and face it, you bring out the ugly truth and yet you've always been supportive eventhough you know it well that i make the wrong decisions. I know you've been wanting to help me and i know you want what's best for me but i feel that i've disappointed you in so many ways with the direction that i'm taking that i couldn't even look you in the eye anymore. Not to mention that we've been quarelling over a lot of things and there was words said that made me look down on myself even more and it was hard to hang out around you ever since. I've always thought that i've been "playing catching up" when the fact is, i've never been falling behind at all. I'm taking things so hard by all these things that happened to me that i've given up on myself. You always say that i'm special and that i am meant for great things but it was always hard to believe it with the stupid things i did. I didn't know who to believe, the one who believes that i am or the world who kept proving to me that i'm not. They say that you won't know what you have until it's gone. But for your case bro, i don't ever want to find out cos i can't imagine how life will be when you're not in it. And there is something that you should know. You've always been my best friend. It's not a title that i give to people freely like people giving out flyers and i want you to know that i've never changed my opinion about you and i will never look at you in a different light even if you decide to forsake me. Because you've always been a GREAT friend and a GREAT person and i'm to blame if you ever decide to give up on me. And i'm so so sorry for this. I feel bad cos you always seem to be the first to try to fix things between us when i would just sit down and do nothing about it. I can't apologize enough. All i hope for right now is that i do find myself. I know what i can be. I know what i'm capable of. It's just like you said bro, i keep getting shot on the foot and worse of all, i let them do it. And for my case, it's always been me not being able to hold on to the ropes that was handed down on me. Cos at the first sign of struggle, i tend to let go. As much as i hate to admit it and as much as i hate to go to my friends for help, i need all of them to pull me through. Be it you bro or my beloved pog or my ns mates, it is you people whom i have to thank so much for everything. Cos without all of you, i won't be sane. i would have been empty like this house, this room, this heart would make me believe. I do hope in times to come, i could show all of you the best of me. Til then...Make do with what i am now...Jangan cerewet ;) Fizzy Tipsy!!!!:::: The more i spend time with you, the more i see the side of you that i never knew existed. Damn...i think i'm caught up...
Nihil Sine Nefas | |